Loving Yourself Like Your Depends Upon It

By Maryanna Gabriel
Anita Moorjani died of cancer, was told to come back to this world, that her work on this side was not done and that she had a mission to fulfill. I like to listen to her sometimes. It is something about going right to the edge, and into the dream that is beyond, that makes her a reliable witness. She didn't want to return to her emaciated body but the thought of her husband helped her to. She was told to share what she knew with others and so she has a message to tell. In developing cancer she was shown that in the life she had lived, she put others first. Her own needs were secondary. This was part of the problem.

She was told to love herself like her life depended on it.

I am listening.

It is Valentine's Day and it is easy to get caught up in the glass half empty scenario if one is single. I understood a long time ago though, that nothing is more lonely than being in a relationship where there is no authentic communication. I have learned to give to others what I yearned for myself and have become all the richer in love for it. I would rather have peace, than be in a sniper situation, where one-upmanship is considered marriage.

So this Valentine's, I am taking myself out on a date and enjoying the day. A lot of people can't be alone. Hope to see you out there, loving yourself like your life depends upon it. 

Disengaging From The Inner Critic

By Maryanna Gabriel . 

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.
-William Wordsworth

The sun has returned. I always feel like I should do some kind of ritual of celebration. Signs of spring are starting to emerge and I feel as though I am crawling out from under a rock, blinking at the sight of light and the world around me.

I have been streaming along with a lot of words without a sense of trying to edit as if the editing process will disrupt the flow. Other writers I have been researching recommend that this flow process is so important to stay with. I know at some point I have to retrace my steps and find inconsistencies but for now it is important to disengage from the inner critic.

You know who I mean. The balcony of jeering voices that throw peanuts and say what are you doing this for? It means nothing. It is going nowhere. Shhh. I say. I'm busy. Go away.

It is occurring to me that the same could be held true for the rest of my life. We all have those people in it who have been unkind. Has it ever been constructive? Not really. What works like gas in the tank is being encouraged. A friend recently told me that she sees me as someone who "keeps poking holes through the air" meaning the voices telling me I can't do this, as the light grows warmer from one day to the next, and the pussy willows start to emerge.

Twenty Thousand Words

By Maryanna Gabriel

"You are never too old

to set a new goal

or dream a new dream."

- C.S. Lewis

I passed a huge goal post today. I am writing  about the Camino and they say the half way

mark of the first draft is the toughest. Well, I made it over the other side and I hope that I can keep the momentum up.

I am picking up a second Fiction course next week and that is really going to slow me but maybe it will help with progress in the long run. Published authors sometimes say to read other writers at the same time one is writing but I find this too confusing. I am worried it will throw me off my game and I will start writing like someone else and not like myself. Lots of time for reading later. I need to do what feels right for me.

It is keeping the inner voice in my head clear that is the trick. 

Feedback

Camino arrow pointing the way.

By Maryanna Gabriel

Writing school is going really well. I am feeling supported by class mates.We take turns reading each others stories and then we go around with feedback. Ten people giving feedback on a piece of writing is a fair barometer.

If it is just one person commenting you can think well maybe that isn't true but when three people say the same thing it starts to hit home. It has been so encouraging. I am writing up a storm right now which is kind of funny because it has been stormy outside.

I am going into detail about the walk on the Camino in Spain. I keep having to stop to do other assignments and I think I am going to lose the thread but that isn't what is happening. Just as when I am reading when I am completely immersed, the writing is the same. It doesn't matter if I switch stories I am finding. The feeling of immersion is true no matter what I am doing. I can be involved for hours and not even know what time it is.

It must mean I am onto my dharma. It is a good feeling being connected to the right direction. 

Window Boxes

By Maryanna Gabriel

"No matter what,
it always comes down to,
what you choose to see."
-Jonna Jinton

This is a difficult time to be born in and live. Right? There is a lot going on in the world right now and my way of dealing with it is by making window boxes.

I have two that need replacing and for some reason there seems to be a short supply out there. Hard to locate wooden window boxes that don't cost a song. I decided to make some. It seemed like a cheerful thing to do.

I approach carpentry like I do a painting. It is a bold and brave act. Just cutting the wood alone sends chills up my spine. I have a second hand saw that puffs blue smoke and only cuts on a certain angle because it is frozen in one position. When I make the cuts I always wonder if it is my last moment on earth as it roars and screeches. The only way I can shut it off is by unplugging it. I know. It's ridiculous.

I think I made the boxes upside down but it's okay. It will do the trick, probably not a lasting job for a lifetime but at least the boxes will work for the short term. The hearts really make it, I thought. With an Impatiens plant in it you won't even notice.